There’s a powerful quote that says, “The strong man is not the one who can wrestle, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.” Prophet Muhammad (SAS)

This saying has echoed in my mind more and more as I’ve grown older. When I was younger, all of my emotions seemed to rule me. I was the kid who couldn’t hold back how I felt. I cried, threw things, cursed people out, and even got into fights. Most of them were sparked by a need to protect myself, but looking back, I see how deeply intertwined my anger was with confusion, pain, and simply not knowing how to process what I felt.

Now, people often assume I don’t get angry because I’m calm, patient, and carry myself with what most would call a “Zen vibe.” But let me tell you, I still get angry. I’m human. I’m just better at channeling that energy. Like the Hulk says, “I’m always angry”…except I’ve learned how to keep it in check.

One of the biggest turning points in my emotional growth came during my divorce in 2016. By that time, I was already a very mellow person, which is how I am naturally. Being shaped by three different religions and learning from those faiths, and seeing friends’ lives fall into shambles because they couldn’t control their anger and frustrations, taught me so much. While no divorce is ever “peachy,” navigating mine with a three-year-old taught me quickly that anger is a normal and fine emotion, but I couldn’t allow myself to be ruled by it. If I did, I risked losing everything. Some might have seen me as completely passive with my ex-husband, but I valued freedom and peace of mind far more than being seen as ‘better’ or fighting for a house I didn’t care about. Material things like that simply aren’t worth my peace of mind at all.

Fast forward to today…I was reminded again of how much growth I’ve had as a person and a parent.

I was sitting in the car line at my son’s school for nearly 45 minutes. The sun was beaming, and I was ready to go. Pick-up time came and went. Ten minutes passed. Still no sign of him. I called. No answer. I texted. Finally, he called me back…he had taken the school bus home. He forgot I was picking him up.

My first reaction? Frustration. I was hot, tired, and annoyed. But instead of snapping, I said, “Okay, I’ll come meet you where the bus drops you off.”

On the drive over, I thought about how easy it is to make a mistake like that—especially as a kid who has to navigate two households. When I picked him up, I told him I understood. I knew he didn’t do it to be hurtful. He was probably just tired and distracted.

And I had this flashback of how my own mother would have responded…yelling, blaming, shaming. But I didn’t want to pass that pattern on. I want my son to know that mistakes don’t mean love is taken away. I want to raise him in a home where anger doesn’t drown out understanding.

This journey of unlearning emotional chaos and choosing calm isn’t easy. But I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming—the mother I’m becoming.

Anger is a valid emotion. But when you learn how to carry it with wisdom and patience, you become powerful in the quietest, strongest way.

So the next time you feel anger rising, ask yourself: Is this moment worth my peace? What would it feel like to respond with understanding instead of reacting with rage?

Here are a few strategies that have truly helped me along the way:

• Pause Before Reacting: Give yourself a few seconds (or minutes!) to breathe before responding. That space can help you choose calm over chaos.
  • 👉 Tip: Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique to quickly reset your nervous system.
• Channel Your Emotions into Creative Outlets: Writing, exercising, or even cleaning can help you express anger in a way that doesn’t hurt you or others. For me, blogging is therapy!
• Practice Compassionate Self-Talk: Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel angry—it’s what you do with it that matters. Speak to yourself with the same grace you’d give a friend.
• Break Generational Cycles with Mindful Parenting: Use calm conversations to model emotional regulation for your kids. You’re not just reacting—you’re teaching.
• Educate Yourself on Anger Management Tools: Learn strategies grounded in psychology to better understand your emotions and triggers.
  • 👉 Explore: Look for anger management strategies from reputable sources like the American Psychological Association.

As Bohdi Sanders beautifully put it: “Never respond to an angry person with a fiery comeback, even if he deserves it… Don’t allow his anger to become your anger.”

---