Dear Diary, as I sit up in my room (or home), like Brandy, I have some sadness from things I don’t so secretly carry. No more rhyming, I promise!

As I’m still deep in this job search and definitely feeling the weight of worldly pressures, there are a few things I’ve always wished for my life that have yet to fully unfold. It’s not about regret, more about acknowledging those quiet longings.

1. A Real Marriage Proposal: Yes, I’ve been married before, but that wasn’t exactly the fairytale moment. It felt more like a business meeting followed by a dinner, where I ended up with a ring I picked out that was just “okay” because I didn’t want him to spend too much. Silly, I know. A lot of patriarchy and ingrained religious expectations were involved, and honestly, that was so far from what I’d always dreamt of. My dream proposal? It absolutely has to involve coffee somehow. After my divorce, my first job was at Starbucks, and that’s where I truly started to brew my new life and regain my financial freedom. So, coffee is non-negotiable for sure. The hopeful romantic in me still holds onto the possibility of that genuine, heartfelt moment, even if the realist sometimes whispers it might not happen. But a girl can dream, right?
2. I Haven’t Visited Europe Yet: London and Paris have had a hold on my heart for as long as I can remember. The language, the culture, the fashion, the food…I adore it all. It does sting a bit that I haven’t been yet. I’ve let life detours and distractions (and, if I’m honest, some poor spending choices) get in the way. But hey, that’s what growth is about, right? Recognizing, realigning, and refocusing. I still plan to get there one day, with a camera, a journal, and maybe a croissant in each hand.
3. Realizing My Worth Sooner: This is probably the biggest one. It’s tough to admit, but for too long, I allowed my light to be dimmed and my spirit stifled by others, from my mother’s influence to various relationships along the way. I spent years not fully grasping how truly beautiful, smart, funny, and utterly worthy I am of respect and the deepest kind of love. Now, at 42, I finally know it in my bones: I am flipping awesome! And I genuinely resent that I ever allowed anyone to dim that light or stifle my creativity. It’s a powerful realization, and while there’s a pang of “if only I knew then,” there’s also an incredible sense of liberation in knowing it now.

So, here I am, still navigating the world, still chasing that next opportunity, but doing it with a much clearer sense of who I am and what I deserve. The path isn’t always straight, and the waiting can be tough, but these dreams and this newfound self-love are the fuel that keeps me going. I’m choosing to believe that the best chapters are still unwritten, and I’m ready to write them, one confident step at a time. My light is shining brighter than ever, and no one is dimming it again.

To anyone else out there feeling a little behind or worn down: your dreams are still valid. Keep showing up. Keep hoping. And if nothing else, treat yourself to a coffee and a moment of gratitude. We’re all still becoming.

Love,
Ameera ☕💛